Loose Change
by KagoTori
Summary: It all started with a sandwich. A commoner sandwich no less. Who knew something so delicious could cause such havoc? Certainly not the unsuspecting Host Club. Now the only way to save Haruhi from a horrible fate is through trickery and overly complicated missions. If they succeed, the club stays together. If they fail, Haruhi probably won't care. Contains penguins and fluff.
1. A Rich Boys Change

**DISCLAIMER: These things are silly. Of course I don't own Ouran! If I ever write a book though, I'll totally write fanfiction for it, haha!**

**~o~**

It was an average day at Ouran High. The gardens were in full bloom, the sky was blue, and Haruhi had only seen people pop out of trap doors that shouldn't have existed on two separate occasions. She carried her lunch through the glittering, high ceiling cafeteria, while a live string quartet played soothing violin music from a rose petal strewn corner of the room. Delicious smells wafted from behind the order counter, and she breathed in deeply, wondering which rare delicacies were the source.

At least the smell was free. Haruhi enjoyed it for a moment, then pushed the thought aside. She had a perfectly good lunch, and it had cost her less than five hundred yen to make. It was about a tenth of the price of even the lowest marked food item on the schools menu.

"But please, madame, you must accept these. I assure you, they are more than sufficient for this order."

Haruhi looked up, noticing a student dressed in Ouran blue, leaning over the counter urgently. The girl, a brunette worker in white, was smiling politely, her hands clasped in front of her.

"I'm sorry sir, but we can't accept this currency," she apologized sincerely, her smile bright. "Is there any way you could convert it to yen first?"

"I tried, but the ATM wouldn't accept them either for some reason!" the student despaired. His brown hair was parted evenly down the middle, and hung just to his chin. He wore glasses that looked as though they had come from an old magazine, made with gleaming, finely worked brown metal."Please, isn't there anything you can do?"

"I'm sorry sir..."

The boy noticed Haruhi, and turned to her despairingly. "Good sir, can you lend me some change? I'm afraid I'm in a spot of trouble...it appears the school doesn't accept post continental American made coins. They're only from the last century or so, and in mint condition! It is quite inexcusable!"

"If it's only change I guess I can help," Haruhi shrugged, pulling her beaten wallet from her school uniform. "How much do you need?"

"A ten thousand yen note should do," the student said gratefully, as though this were the most basic request in the world. "I'll pay you back in full, I assure you."

"_Ten thousand yen_?" Haruhi sputtered, completely taken off guard. "I don't have anywhere close to that much on me! You call that change?"

"What am I going to do?" he despaired, clutching his hand to his heart. "I haven't eaten since last night. Oh delicious filet mignon, oh pepper crusted rack of lamb, how I yearn for your juicy, brilliantly spiced meat! Am I to starve in this heinous cafeteria, a victim of cruel fate?"

Haruhi thought that maybe being a Drama Queen was contagious in this school. Then again, maybe rich kids really _did_ think they would starve after half a day without caviar. "Well I don't know about filet mignon," she admitted, unwrapping her lunch from its brightly patterned handkerchief. "I have an extra sandwich though. Here, you can have it. Maybe bring normal money to school from now on."

Haruhi placed the plain sandwich in his hands unceremoniously. "My name is Haruhi Fujioka."

The students hazel eyes went wide behind the frames of his glasses as he stared at the sandwich, as though it were made of solid gold. "Haruhi Fujioka. Never have I witnessed such _generosity_! Thank you, a thousand times, thank you! I have been saved from the brink of starvation! I must repay you!"

"Oh, it's really no problem," Haruhi assured him, wondering briefly when she could escape to eat the remainder of her lunch. _Also it cost less than five hundred yen_. "You don't have to do anything like that."

"I insist," he said, clasping her hand. "Please, call me Hiroya-san. In exchange for your help today, you must accept these coins. The school may not have any use for them, but I assure you they are quite valuable!" Hiroya-san pressed the dingy looking coins into Haruhi's hand. She blinked, thanking him dubiously. She made her way through the lunchroom to the table in the corner, isolated from the crowd of rich teens.

She sighed with relief, contenting herself to a quiet lunch. She set the misshapen, and slightly lumpy looking coins on the surface of the table next to her food.

What was she supposed to do with these?

"Soooo," a voice purred, as an arm draped itself across her shoulders. "What was up with that guy?"

"He seemed clingy." Another arm joined the first, as Kaoru sipped at his drink noisily.

"Hikaru-san, Kaoru-san," Haruhi sighed, her dream of a quiet lunch dying abruptly. "What do you want?"

"Hey now," Hikaru complained. "Is that any way to greet your close friends? We were worried, that's all! Takumi Hiroya can be a real pain."

"He's always bringing weird coins to school instead of yen," Kaoru explained. "His parents run a successful chain of museums and natural history restoration centers across the globe. On top of that, Hiroya inherited a large coin collection from his deceased Grandfather. He never has anything but weird currencies."

"Who tries to buy things with old coins? They're probably worth more than the things he wants to buy." Haruhi complained. "Damn rich kids."

"I couldn't agree more," Tamaki broke in, sitting across the table from them with a flourish, actual glitter shining in the air around him, moved by a faint wind. "Of course, Haruhi, that's exactly right!"

"He has no idea what we're talking about," Hikaru explained, ignoring the fabulous blonde, who appeared to be posing for some unseen camera. "Tell us the story. What did Hiroya say?"

Haruhi sighed, accepting that she wouldn't get to eat in peace until she explained the whole thing. She relayed the tale in short sentences, eating her apple in between them. "I gave him a sandwich, and he seemed fine," she finished, wondering if Takumi Hiroya had ever eaten a commoner sandwich before. Surely he was used to rare imported meats instead of cheap ham? "Although I think he might have been a little too grateful. It was just a sandwich."

"Just...a sandwich?" Tamaki repeated, as though these words were the purest blasphemy. "_Just_ a sandwich?"

_~The Theater of Tamaki's Mind~_

"Oh, Tamaki Senpai!" Haruhi sang, her smile bright and cheerful, wearing a sundress patterned with little hearts. "Please, you must accept this! This sandwich is bursting with everlasting passion and the dreams of a girl who is hopelessly in love with you!"

"Haruhi, thank you." Tamaki murmured, lifting her chin with one slender finger as a rain of roses and unexplainable sparkles fell in a glittering shower around them both. "I love it. Honestly I do. This sandwich represents the eternal bond we both have for each other, and the strength of the feelings that run between our hearts. Truly this sandwich is the greatest creation that has ever come from this world."

"Yes, senpai, that's exactly right!" Haruhi cried out, tears in her eyes. "This homemade sandwich...is what love truly is!"

_~End Scene~_

Tamaki clenched his fist, shadows hiding his eyes. "I too must have a delicious sandwich made by Haruhi!" he declared, standing up abruptly. "Please, Haruhi. Give me your sandwich!"

"No way," Haruhi dead-panned, biting into said sandwich. An arrow shot through Tamaki's heart, stopping him cold. "This is my last sandwich. Go buy yourself something if you're that hungry."

"H-Haruhi's sandwich of love..." Tamaki wept, looking stricken.

"So, can we see them?" Hikaru and Kaoru said in unison, peering to look closer at the strange money. Haruhi shrugged, sliding over her lunch so both twins could see the small heap of coins. They blinked once, their twin golden eyes curious.

"They look old." Hikaru commented.

"And kind of dirty," Kaoru chimed in. "No wonder the cafeteria didn't want them. They look like something out of the sewers. I wonder what his deal was?"

~o~

"Princess, your beauty warms even the frozen tundra of this desolate land," Tamaki murmured, holding both of the star struck clients hands in his own. Snowflakes fell slowly from the ceiling, in the lightly air conditioned room. "Come away with me, or this entire region could melt from our shared passion..."

The Host Club glittered with fake snow, transformed into an Arctic wonderland. Decorative igloos adorned the scene, and the look was complete with what appeared to be _live_ penguins sliding around on the tile pathways. Electric fans made a light breeze dance through the club room, where ice cream was being served in tiny silver cups, with porcelain spoons the size of a pinky finger. Hot chocolate was poured into expensive cups in lieu of tea, to reinforce the idea of winter.

"I get that today is supposed to be Eskimo themed," Haruhi said dispassionately, looking around the transformed club room. "But why on earth is everyone dressed like _that_?"

The twins laughed from the corner, wearing loose white outfits that matched their polar bear head hoods, which looked disturbingly real. Tamaki himself appeared to be wearing a stylish hunting outfit trimmed with grey fur. Honey alone was wearing a fluffy Eskimo coat with a hood, and Mori was completely shirt-less for some reason.

"Wouldn't he freeze?" Haruhi sputtered, pointing at supposed 'spear fisher' sitting silently next to Honey, who was eating ice cream by the cupful.

"Why Haruhi, I'm surprised you haven't worked it out," Kyoya said silkily, the only person in the room without an elaborate costume. "Authenticity, while important, is second to the aesthetic factor that our club has come to be known for over over the years. We could hardly be wearing massive coats in a room the temperature of a freezer after all. It wouldn't be suitable. Instead, we have provided an arctic experience the ladies can enjoy without freezing, and with eye candy to boot. Tamaki demanded the penguins."

Haruhi herself was dressed as a seal, her face the only part of her that showed under the realistic costume. Whiskers were drawn on her dispassionate face, and her nose was colored in. "Sure. But why do I have to be a seal?"

"Seals are a natural part of the Eskimos life. Without them, they would face almost certain death. Besides, it was either that or an outfit chosen by Tamaki himself. Which would you prefer?" Kyoya said, answering her without hesitation.

"I think I'll stick with the seal," Haruhi said darkly, not even daring to _think_ of what Tamaki might have chosen for her. "Where's your costume anyways, senpai?"

"Originally I was supposed to be an Alaskan sled dog," Kyoya explained, in a voice that left no doubt whose idea _that_ had been. "Unfortunately, there was a delivery mishap, and the outfit couldn't make it here in time."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Haruhi said under her breath, wondering what had actually happened to the costume. Personally, she thought the Shadow King fit in just fine with the others, considering his icy personality.

"Your seal outfit is adorable, Haruhi!" one of her regulars gushed, lighting up. "I think it's super cute!"

"You really think so?" Haruhi replied, caught off guard. "Thanks, I appreciate that." Her clients looked dazzled by her response.

"Here, Princess," Tamaki said, his voice as smooth as velvet. "I braved the Alaskan wild this morning just to catch this fish for you. I hope you enjoy it." He picked up a piece of deluxe sushi with chopsticks, holding it out to his client, who was almost delirious with happiness. Before it could reach her mouth, the sushi was snatched by a penguin. Tamaki gaped, before standing up indignantly. "Hey, that was ours!" he complained to the impassive penguin. "Give it back you thief!"

The Prince slipped on the fake snow as the penguin slid away triumphantly, the prize held in its beak. Tamaki got to his feet angrily, pointing furiously at the penguin in question.

"Kyoya, I want these creatures banished from the clubroom!"

"You wanted them, so I'm afraid they'll have to stay until close," the Shadow King said, with the slightest hint of smugness.

"Look, look!" Honey gushed, smiling bright. "I made an Usa-chan out of snow! Want to have hot cocoa with us, snow bunny-chan?" He held a cup out to the snow sculpture carefully, which actually resembled a lumpy, upright pillow. His clients sweatdropped, looking at the dubious pile of snow.

"Y-you're right, Honey-chan, it looks just like him!"

"Really, it's uncanny! You have natural talent at snow sculpture!"

"You think so?" Honey said, surprised. Mori sipped his hot chocolate impassively.

"Oh Hikaru," Kaoru crooned, looking into his brothers eyes as though they were the only people in the world. "We can't do this...it isn't right..."

"Shut up," Hikaru snapped, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes for no real reason. "I don't care if it's right. As long as we're together, the world can label us whatever it wants. If you're with me, there isn't anything that can hurt me..." They hugged each other quickly, to the applause of a veritable crowd of entranced fan girls.

Tamaki brushed himself off, sitting across from his client once more. "I apologize for the distraction, milady. I believe we were about to share a part of my days catch. I would hunt for weeks on end without food, if it meant I could see your beautiful smile..." He picked up another piece of sushi as he spoke. He saw about ten penguins staring directly at him from his left as he did so, and cringed violently.

"Honestly," Haruhi sighed. "He brought food for the guests, but forgot to get anything for the penguins. No wonder they're hungry. I wonder where he even got penguins on such short notice?"

It had been a good day, she thought with satisfaction. She'd gotten a lot of clients, and there hadn't been a single mishap that _added_ to her debt. All in all, she couldn't complain. At this rate, she would work it off in no time.

After club hours were over, Haruhi changed into her school uniform, while a team of workers cleaned up the club room in record time. By the time she was finished, the music room was back to its normal state, no sign of penguins or fake snow anywhere. She grabbed her bag, but was stopped by Kyoya.

"Haruhi, I heard you received some coins from Takumi Hiroya earlier today," the Shadow King cut in. "Would you mind if I took a look at them?"

"Yeah, sure," Haruhi shrugged, digging the coins out of her pocket. She handed them over to her black haired senpai, who turned them over in his hand, his expression entirely unreadable. After a while, he returned them with a slight smile, inspection finished.

"You should take care of those," Kyoya said, as she returned them to her pocket. "A few are quite rare."

"Thanks," Haruhi said, a little dubiously. She picked up her bag, and left the clubroom.

"What's up with that Hiroya guy, giving Haruhi presents?" the twins complained in unison. "He doesn't even know her."

"And getting an immaculate homemade sandwich, crafted by Haruhi herself!" Tamaki joined in, like any righteous father would. "It is unforgivable!"

"Takumi-san was actually remarkably generous, especially considering this was in exchange for a commoners lunch," Kyoya remarked. "While most of those coins were fairly common, one in particular is quite valuable, if authentic. It is known as the "King" of Morgan Dollars, and is highly sought after by coin collectors. While twelve thousand of the coins were supposedly manufactured, only about eighty have been accounted for. Many theories have sprung up about the mysterious disappearance, adding further value to the coin."

"So it's worth some money then?" Hikaru asked, curious despite himself. "Maybe Haruhi could buy herself a spare uniform, or a lunch or two from the cafeteria."

"Yeah, or some cute girl clothes to wear on weekends," Kaoru chimed in. "Like a sundress."

"I'm afraid that the King of Morgan Dollars is worth more than an outfit or two."

"How much is it worth then?" Tamaki asked naively.

Kyoya smiled, pushing up his glasses until they glinted white. "Why, roughly 8 million yen. Give or take that is."

~o~

**Authors Note:** Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've been in this fandom, so I'm excited to branch out. This particular story is a favorite of mine, and I've been thinking of writing it for ages...but I never seemed to really get around to it. XD I'm sure you know how that is! You know the drill, feedback would be awesome, although I'm not expecting to get many reviews until a chapter or three in. Fair warning, this is a multi chapter fic, but there shouldn't be more than five. Thanks for reading!

oOo

"The King of Morgan Dollars". The 1895 Morgan Silver dollar is estimated at roughly $70,000 U.S dollars in prime condition. (So about ¥ 8,122,800). According to U.S. Mint records, there were 12,000 regular circulation Morgan Dollars struck for 1895. However, only 75 to 80 of the 1895 Morgans have been accounted for. The missing 12,000 coins is a mystery that has been hotly debated, but never fully explained. Most believe that the coins were never minted in the first place, and that this notation in the Mint accounting ledgers is in error. Some believe that the coins were minted, but melted down for various reasons. One theory even proposes the coins were lost at sea in a shipwreck.

oOo

Questions, comments or concerns? You know how to reach me!

~K-Tori


	2. Operation One Commence!

"It's worth WHAT?" Tamaki screeched in a completely manly pitch that in no way sounded like a dying cat. "E-eight _million_ yen? But with that kind of money, Haruhi could buy herself thousands of sundresses!"

_Haruhi laughing while hundreds of sundresses fell from the sunny sky, twirling around happily-_

"Boss, you can't be that slow!" Hikaru and Kaoru broke in, completely interrupting the beginning of Tamaki's sundress fantasy. "8 million yen? Doesn't that number ring a bell somewhere in that hamster wheel of a mind of yours?"

The seconds dragged on in silence.

A lightning bolt of inspiration struck the Prince. "With that money, Haruhi could pay off her debts to the Host Club in full!"

"Now he gets it," the twins deadpanned from the side.

"No, no, _no_," Honey-chan wailed, hugging Usa-chan close. "Haru-chan can't just _leave_!"

Mori nodded in agreement impassively.

"You're the boss, fix this!" Hikaru and Kaoru said in perfect unison, snapping their attention back to their blond leader.

"Alright!" Tamaki shouted, commanding silence. He lifted his head, surveying the Host Club with calm blue eyes. "I have a plan. If we stay collected and rational, we can keep our Princess where she belongs. Now, does that sound alright to everyone here?"

Tamaki was rarely serious, but on those occasions when he chose to set aside all glitz and glamour, anyone could see that he had the qualities of a leader. This was one of those times. He stood in a self-assured manner, a pillar of calm that could not be shaken. His words commanded attention, and anyone who listened would automatically feel they could be trusted completely. The Host Club was awed into silence by this sudden change. Could this be a man who could set aside his childishness, and come up with a rational and responsible plan to keep their family together?

Calming down from the beginnings of true panic, Hikaru turned to Tamaki.

"So what's this plan of yours?"

Tamaki closed his brilliant blue eyes, as though about to deliver an inspirational speech. "Well, Takumi Hiroya was the one who started this whole mess, by giving Haruhi that coin he was carrying as loose change. Therefore, it follows that my plan begins with him. We find Hiroya-san first."

"And then?" Kaoru chimed in.

"No one ever hears from him again."

Before Tamaki had even finished his sentence, Kyoya was speaking. "While that's very dramatic, it doesn't exactly help with the current situation. Also, it's quite illegal."

"Well, what would YOU suggest?" Tamaki snapped, reverting to the childish prince.

Light gleamed off the Shadow Kings glasses, and when he smiled, the temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees. "While I can think of several options that would suit this particular situation, perhaps they should be saved until after some other courses of action have been attempted. After all, using my family's secret police to force an impoverished honor student to continue spending time with a host club could be seen as borderline criminal."

"That's it!" Tamaki announced, his eyes lighting up. "I know how we can keep Haruhi from leaving the club!"

"Is this plan also stolen from an American action movie?"

"Not this one! This plan is simpler than that. Haruhi simply needs to realize how amazing it is to be a member of Ourans' Elite Host Club. Poor Haruhi has lived so much of her life in near poverty, it stands to reason that she would crave the glamourous life we can offer her a taste of here at this club! All we need to do is remind Haruhi of the differences between our lifestyles, and she'll be begging us to continue being a Host!"

"Isn't that completely contrary to Haruhi's entire personality?" Hikaru cut in, looking dubious. "Not that I have any better ideas."

"It's worth a shot. Besides, if anything goes wrong she'll be mad at Tamaki, not us," Kaoru pointed out.

The twins laced their arms together, matching devilish grins breaking out over their symmetrical faces. "We're in!"

"We'll do whatever we can to help!" Honey announced for both himself and Mori, his childish features determined.

"Then we're in agreement!" the Prince said, pulling out a large whiteboard. He wrote a title across the top of the board in red expo marker, and underlined it with a flourish. "'Operation: Convince Haruhi the Host Club is too incredible to leave', shall now commence!"

~o~

The next day seemed like any other at Ouran Academy. Students walked around the extensive grounds with their bags, free of the day's classes. A faint breeze played with the leaves in the sculpted topiaries that dotted the vibrant lawns, and around immaculate fountains that burbled merrily in the warmth of the sun. The school itself loomed like a castle over the scenery, proud and flawlessly maintained, a sigil of strength and prosperity incarnate.

But inside the schools third music room, panic was beginning to set in.

"I'm having second thoughts," Hikaru said hurriedly, in the darkened room. "Haruhi's not even here yet! Maybe she's not coming."

"She'll _be_ here," Tamaki assured the twin. "I'm sure she's just running late. The operation will proceed as planned!"

"Is this really a good idea?" Kaoru hissed to his brother, pulling the last of his costume on. "Doesn't it feel like we crossed a line?"

"We're way past that, Kaoru. Maybe Haruhi's already realized the value of the coin. She might not come back here at all!"

"Don't even _say_ that, Hikaru!"

"Shut up, someone's coming!"

The doors to the music room opened ominously, spilling light in from the hallway. Haruhi was breathing hard, like she'd been running to get there. "Sorry…I'm so late…I got held up on the phone with my dad." She stood up straight, looking around. "Why's it so dark in here?"

"Never mind that," Tamaki interrupted, stepping forward into the light. "It's fine, as long as you're here now. We've gone ahead and gotten things set up without you. Is everything with your father alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," Haruhi affirmed. "It's funny actually, he's been doing a lot of research into those coins Hiroya-san gave me the other day. Said he had something important to tell me when I got home."

"I changed my mind, I'm in a hundred percent!" Kaoru whispered loudly from somewhere behind. "Go time!"

"I-is that right?" Tamaki stammered, making gestures behind his back for the twins to shut up. "Well, I guess we'll have to make an impression before then!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Haruhi asked dubiously, trying to peer behind the Prince. "Also, why are you wearing a suit like that? Is todays theme Frankenstein?"

"What, this old thing? Just something I found lying around," the blond preened, somehow making his ragtag outfit look as though it were artfully distressed instead of incredibly ugly. "Let me introduce today's theme!"

He clapped his hands together, and light filled the third music room.

When Haruhi's eyes adjusted, she saw a scene from a sitcom about lower class living.

The usual décor of the room had been replaced with secondhand furniture, battered, and stained. One of the roughly made wooden tables was leaning on a copy of 'Les Misérables' to keep it level. Coffee mugs and measuring cups replaced the normal immaculate china the club usually used to serve refreshments, and the food was being served on chipped white plates, and the occasional Frisbee. Actual newspaper was on the floor in lieu of rugs, screaming headlines like, "Impoverished Youth!", "Poor, Poor, Poor,", and "Don't Leave Us Haruhi!"

The lighting in the room came mostly from lightbulbs under battered tin hoods, hanging over each of the odd looking tables, flickering occasionally as if they might go out. The rest of the illumination came from artificial fires burning inside oil drums, which looked disturbingly authentic, as if Tamaki had gone to the streets to find actual rusted metal cylinders from who knew where. In the corner, a tragic looking dog chewed on a bone that looked like it might have been a T-bone steak once. Waiters in fake beards rolled around on cheap roller skates, serving candy bars from drug stores on their Frisbee platters.

"Todays' theme is, 'Commoner Lifestyle'! It reminds you of home, does it not?" Tamaki said proudly, stepping in front of Haruhi again in his custom made suit.

The suit in question was the same light blue as their normal uniform, but the similarities ended there. For starters, it was roughly double the size, and was tattered and odd looking. Moreover, the Prince was wearing it open, overtop _another_ equally ugly suit the color of pond mud. The elbows were patched, and the shoes he wore didn't match anything in the known universe. The outfit was complete with a plain yellow tie tied crookedly around his neck. An artful smear of dirt marred his forehead, and he had hollowed out his cheeks with dark makeup, complete with bags under his eyes.

"Oh no," coughed one of the guests, who had been given cheap cardigans in gaudy colors to wear over their pretty yellow dresses. "I'm dying of an easily preventable disease due to my inability to afford basic healthcare! Gasp!" A chorus of sympathy greeted this pronouncement, as the girl hunched over her table tragically.

"I have to clip my own nails like a barbarian!" Another guest announced. "Oh the _travesty_!"

"We're poor today!" Tamaki explained to the stunned Haruhi. "I'm a badly dressed pharmacist, who can't pay the bills for his family!" He pointed to each of the club members in turn.

"Honey-senpai is an orphan, who was abandoned by the side of the train tracks…"

A starved looking Honey-senpai looked longingly at the dollar store cupcakes, wearing a shirt so long it hung over his hands. He held Usa-chan tight to his chest, his only belonging.

"Aren't you going to take any Honey-chan?" a beautiful brunette girl asked hesitantly. The other girls gasped, as if she had said something forbidden.

Honey forced himself to look away from the frosted cupcakes, tears in his overly large eyes. "I-it's okay. I didn't want any anyways."

"You're only pointing out what he can't afford, Michi-chan! How could you? Oh Honey-Chan, I'd adopt you in a second!" The girls hugged the blond little boy with tears of sympathy in their eyes.

"Mori-senpai is a coal miner, who has to work all day just to put food on the table," Tamaki continued.

Mori was once again shirtless, covered in sweat and coal dust. He held a pick in hand as if it weighed nothing at all, wiping his face with a white cloth with his other hand. One of his guests hesitantly walked up to him, offering a simple rice ball in a napkin to the 'coal miner'.

Mori's eyes widened just a bit. "Thanks," he said monotonously, taking a bite. His guests squealed happily.

"Kyoya is a tax attorney who struggles in the current economy."

The heir to the Ootori fortune sat at a desk that had been pillaged from the elementary section, clearly too small for the teenage boy. Other than that, he looked normal, in a plain black suit, and even writing in his notebook.

"What's so odd about him?" Haruhi said, knowing she would regret asking. "He's not dressed much differently."

"Oh, but I am," Kyoya said, setting down his notebook on the wooden table, next to his measuring cup filled with tea. "This suit…isn't tailor made. Yes ladies, I'm afraid it's even second-hand."

"You poor, poor thing! I would die if I didn't wear clothes made just for me!"

"Oh, can you even imagine? Being poor must be the absolute worst!"

"These damn rich people," Haruhi muttered darkly under her breath.

"And lastly, the twins are brothers forced to survive on their own in a cheap apartment. Kind of like you, Haruhi!" The disguised girl twitched at that.

"Oh Kaoru…I'm so sorry, I have terrible news…I was laid off at work today because I was too handsome…I've let you down. We'll have to survive off of instant ramen noodles and catfish from the canal for a while."

"Don't worry…even if we have no money, as long as I'm with you, I'm the richest man alive," Kaoru breathed, looking into Hikaru's golden eyes while holding both his hands clasped firmly in his own. Both wore matching brown suits that might have been stolen from a hobo, but were probably designed by their mother for the occasion. Their fangirls watched with tears in their eyes.

"And me?" Haruhi asked with trepidation, clearly worried about the answer. Tamaki smiled, putting both hands on her shoulders.

"You don't need a costume, because you're already incredibly poor!"

The temperature in the room dropped a few degrees as Haruhi's countenance went frigid. "Is that right?" she asked, the tone of her voice making ice seem warm by comparison. Oblivious as always, the blond Prince didn't even notice her irritation.

"Yes, we've thought of everything! We pulled out all the stops to show what life must be like for a commoner such as yourself! So? What do you think?"

Haruhi looked around the room again, catching the moment Hikaru chose to die of the 'commoner plague', much to Kaoru's pretend anguish, the girls warming their hands in the fake oil drums, and the horror with which tea in little bags was met with. Ironically, many of the girls seemed to be enjoying their pretend impoverishment greatly, although the snacks were less touched than usual, and many of them sat on white cloths set over the dingy sofas.

"I think this entire setup is insulting to humanity in every possible way," the short haired brunette said frankly, sending an arrow straight through Tamaki's heart. "Is this what you think life is like for everyone who isn't filthy rich?"

"I-isn't it?" Tamaki stuttered, recovering from the blow slightly.

"Not even a little bit," Haruhi said without mercy, looking her blond senpai directly in the eyes with a flat glare. "This whole thing is completely tasteless, and frankly more than a little painful to witness. I would ask whose brainless and idiotic idea this was in the first place, but I'm almost certain it was all you."

"That's right, it was all Tamaki!" Hikaru affirmed, awakening from his 'death' at her speech. "Totally his idea. Did it to send you a message."

"What kind of message?" Haruhi demanded, turning on her senpai, who had hit the ground with the weight of all the insults she had thrown at him. "Couldn't you just _tell_ me?"

"Haruhi, I…" Tamaki trailed off, unable to find the words. Club guests began to go silent, taking notice of the confrontation.

Finally, it was too much for Haruhi Fujioka.

"Forget it, I'm going home!"

"Haruhi. Haruhi, wait!" Tamaki called, chasing after the furious girl as she stalked from the clubroom.

The twins took one look at each other and followed, apologizing to their guests.

"I hope we didn't upset him," one girl fretted. "Is he ok?"

"Don't worry about Haruhi, he's just having a bad day," Kyoya said silkily, smoothing away any concerns in his paying guests minds. "I'm sure everything is just fine."

"I'm sorry, I never meant-" Tamaki called out down the hallway, before falling silent. "I just wanted to make you understand what we can do for you, here at this club!" The twins caught up to him at that moment, watching silently.

Haruhi stopped, breathing hard. She spun to face them, cold anger written into the lines of her face. "What does that mean?"

She seemed to collect herself, and some of the tension left her shoulders. "I already know we live differently, without you throwing a show like that. If there's something you wanted to tell me, you can just come out and say it, ok? I'll listen, _without_ you needing to throw some bizarre stunt again. What is it you wanted to tell me with all of this?"

A thousand thoughts flitted through Tamaki's head, all the sentiments he wished to express. How he had wanted to show her that life with the Host Club was more fun than life without it. How they could give her a taste of wealth, while spending time with good friends. How all he had really wanted was to ensure that their friendship continued unabated, and that he couldn't bear the thought of never seeing her again.

He had only wanted to highlight the differences in their lifestyles so she would want to keep spending time with him, even if her debt were cleared!

He opened his mouth to tell her exactly how he felt, and what he had been trying to convey with the commoner theme, with all the eloquence of a born Prince.

But what came out of it was a little different.

"That we're better than you," Tamaki said proudly.

You could have heard a pin drop in the sudden, deathly silence which fell over the hallway.

"Boss?" Hikaru whispered, poking Tamaki's shoulder. "While we get what you're trying to say, shouldn't you phrase it a little better than that?"

"I'm better off without you!" Haruhi snarled, whirling around to pace down the massive marble hallway once more.

She slammed the door at the end of the hall with such force the boom echoed, matching the sound as Tamaki's heart exploded in his chest.

"Well that didn't go well," Hikaru complained, folding his arms. Kaoru poked the comatose Tamaki with a stick, getting no reaction. "What do we do now?"

"Beats me. Should we take Tamaki to a hospital?"

~o~

After club activities, the Host Club remained assembled in the music room after changing out of their costumes. The operation whiteboard had been cleared off. This time, Kyoya took charge.

"As all of you know, today's operation went…poorly," the dark haired teen began. "While we were able to salvage club activities without Haruhi's presence, the ideas of someone, who will not be named, made the situation considerably worse. Despite this, we still have an objective to achieve."

Tamaki remained white and listless at the side, where he had been propped up against the wall so he didn't melt into a puddle of depression. During club activities, Kyoya had placed a tin can in front of the Prince, to make him out as a 'homeless man' begging for donations. In that way, Tamaki had still contributed to the days efforts. He was now largely ignored by the rest of the Host Club, who knew he'd snap out of it eventually.

"Tomorrows plan will be as follows," Kyoya commanded, pointing to the whiteboard with a large pointer stick. "Haruhi doesn't have to _like_ the Host Club, or the lifestyle we can show her in this room. As long as she remains indebted to us, she will never leave. We can keep her here for as long as we like, _if_ her debt increases beyond the original one of 8 million yen. This makes our job easy."

The Shadow King smiled, light glinting off his glasses. "Operation: Make Haruhi break something priceless', begins tomorrow morning. Here is what we need to do…"

~o~

Authors Note: Decided to pick this up again, as you've no doubt noticed. The plan is to finish the story with a week, week and a half tops. Stay tuned!

~K-Tori


End file.
